Monday, 29 February 2016


| monday musing |

a number of things over
I continue to write, to love, to lust, to wander.
I therefore feel pain,
left alone, bare naked in the rain.
I was given no sympathy
even my mind gave no empathy
later on that numbing feeling
for all those years in guilty living.
you never did love
only I did.
you slowly destroyed me
from the inside, eating
until I was hollow
you're just a parasite, breaking
me, the inside
you're just a parasite.

Saturday, 27 February 2016

What's In My Bag - (Uni 15-16)

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm a sucker for what's in my bag posts. Its either my curious nature or I'm just nosy to know what people have in their bags. I also like looking through people's pencil cases... I have a weird thing for hoarding pens that I don't really need.

For the past few months, I've been having these things in my bag, I only changed it when my classes changed, but it only changed my books and the things in my envelope.

  1. Disney Planner 
    - a gift from my piano teacher and I've been using this a lot more than my other planners
  2. File Envelope
    - I mostly keep my handouts and the papers I need to pass here so they won't get torn or crumpled.
  3. Trash and some paper
    - The trashcan is just too far away for small trash like these.
  4. Horrible Polaroid shot
    - Shot this in a bowling alley during my 18th birthday and my friend managed to put her finger on top of the flash.
  5. iphone/ipod charger and some lose change
    - could never go wrong with having an ipod/iphone charger in your bag since apple devices' battery are shit.
  6. socks
    - sometimes you just need them
  7. headphones
    - these headphones are actually broken, only one ear works. But since I don't have any money to buy new quality worth ones, I'm sticking with this one. 
  8. wet wipes
  9. - on days when I feel like my make-up's suffocating my face, this comes in handy.
  10. pencil case
  11. -like I said, I hoard pens, and this is barely half of the pens I own.
  12. florilegio journal
  13. - I write all my poems, prose and chapters here, it's just nice to have a little notebook for your own.
  14. steno notebooks 
  15. - though I do have a notebook for all my classes in uni, I like to keep it clean for whenever I go review my lessons, I won't get confused with what's what so I use these steno notebooks for rough drafts, if you'd call it that
  16. statistics book and calculator
  17. -this is the only book I bought for this semester since I think I need this more than I need my other subject's books.
  18. wooden clipboard
  19. -I have my calendar here where I could keep track of the dates if I don't have my disney planner with me and it's just nice to have specially when I only have lose paper and I don't have anything hard to write on. It's also comes in handy whenever I review some handouts since all papers clipped to this are the ones I need to review for recitation.
  20. Scribble planner
  21. - I bought this around Christmas season. I do have to say that I only got this because it looks cute and I actually find the planner to be annoying since the monthly view isn't in grid form, it doesn't have lines so it's really hard to find where you need to end whatever it is you're writing for the certain day.
  22. small expanding envelope
  23. - I originally had a pink one but I gave it to a friend. I don't use this as much as I did back then anymore but I mainly put tickets, some papers, and other stuff here.
  24. make-up bag
  25. - and lastly my make-up bag which consist of all the make-up I use for everyday which is just roughly 10 products?

Friday, 26 February 2016

Jan - Feb 2016 Mixtape

If you know me personally, you'd know that I love my music and that my choices are stuck at the 80s, 90s and most recent must be around 2013. Well, that's excluding all these music we hear everyday. I mean, I do know about Justin Bieber's new album, or those kinda weird electronic hip-hop songs that are mainly about butts or sex, but all in all, I have to say that for the music of our generation, there's only a select few that I genuinely like.

Anyway, here's my January - February Mixtape that's filled with 90s, 00s, songs, some OPM indie, I think I also included some Japanese songs (but the only ones that spotify has which is not plenty and I'm really bummed out about it)

Monday, 22 February 2016


| Monday Musing |

Faded is a poem I wrote for Charlie n Charlotte Magazine last year. It wasn't one of those writings that just popped out of my head, it was something that my best friend Audrey asked me to write. Initially I thought that I was just helping her for her article so I asked her to just give me two words that I could grab inspiration from or two words that could be catchy. I can't remember what those words were, but I ended up with this.

Anxiety and curiosity mixed together
Three steps forward and soon after
The sound of laughter, the drop of tears
I feel the blood pumping in my ears

Green. Yellow. Red
There are no roses on the bed.
The alien feelings come in
One step back, this can't be happenin'
In an unknown place, I'm fallin'

The sun started to descend
In a street that has no end
Paths covered with faded signs,
Roads with crooked lines

Amusement, confusion and caution
feelings in a place unknown.
Two steps forward, flashing across,
Smiles in the faces of the loss

No steps forward,
No steps back

Monday, 15 February 2016


Are you in it for the ride?
Are you in it for the waves bought by the tide?
Are you in it for the adrenaline?
Are you in it for the music of Led Zeppelin?
Are you in it for the adventure?
Though the road might be a torture.
Are you in it for the memory?
Are you in it to end the anarchy?
Are you in it for the death, the blood, the gore?
Or maybe you're just in it for life's a bore.
Are you in it for the cries and the pleas?
Are you in it just to say at least.
Are you in it for the light?
Or are you in it for the darkness that covered the right.

Monday, 8 February 2016


| monday musing | 

Originally, this was supposed to be next week's musing, but somehow, it just fits to what I feel right now.
I'm not gonna lie, half of the time I still worry about the numbers. I still want what other people have. I still get lost in midst of follower and comment counts and just base what I write there. I'm not gonna lie that I keep on forgetting that I'm doing this for myself. That I keep on trying to be someone who I think is better than me.
I'm frustrated.
My head's filled with thoughts, still I can't write. My mind, a chaos of ideas, yet I feel so dull. What more should I do? What more should I do to light the flames that once lit my path, my life.
Empty. I feel empty.
Crumpled papers everywhere. I try and try and try, but somehow I can't sew the perfect letters to form the perfect words right enough to express the feelings I've been burying deep in my core. I can't seem to express these dots and lines, these curves and rhymes.

Lost. I feel lost.
Snap. Delete. Snap. Edit. Delete. It's a different kind of lost. I know my way but I don't know why I am. I write and write and write but nothing's just right.
All these just to document my existence. To feel as if I didn't live a full circle, as if I didn't live a rut.
Frustrated. I'm frustrated.
Whatever it is I do, I just can't seem to be good enough. Play the piano, there's someone better who didn't even study it as I did. Write? I once dreamt to be published, but underneath this writer's block and this frustrated writing, what magic could I do? Do art, doodle, do calligraphy, but no one appreciates it.
Is there a place where I can throw this frustration away?

Friday, 5 February 2016

Ramen Loving

I feel like I've been a no-show in the blog-o-sphere for the past few days and seriously, I won't even consider my busy schedule as my excuse, let's just say I'm busy.

So a little life update:

  • I've been trying to wake up at 4AM just to get to campus earlier...
  • That professor we thought was cute... not so cute anymore... he just gave us a research today on all democratic countries in Asia and we need to find out why they're democratic, classify them and give concrete examples. Originally, he was hoping that we'd be able to do this in 1 hour... ONE HOUR. So yeah, he's not cute anymore. 
  • I have a lot of things to blog about but I haven't been able to take photos for it... it's all planned... just not yet in action.
  • As the days go by, I'm getting older and in just 13 days, I could drink, get arrested and do whole lots of different stuff.
  • I've just been trying to start on reading Victoria Aveyard's Red Queen and it's gonna be the first book that I'd be reading off my list. 
  • I've been watching a lot of Japanese and Korean shows and I can't wait to blog about my binge Asian shows of January-February 2016... not really gonna call it that, but you know what I mean. 

OKAY! Sooo, a few days ago, I was craving for ramen. Really, really bad... for days. So I managed to ask my sister if we could have our dinner at a ramen restaurant (not gonna call it a ramen house since it's in the mall and it doesn't really suit the place if I call it a ramen house... bothers me a lot.) and it was one of my favourite ramen places which is Ajisen Ramen. Ajisen Ramen has branches in Australia, Canada, China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore, Korea, Thailand and the United States.

I ordered the Ajisen Ramen (house specialty, so same name as the restaurant...cliche lovestory for me!) which is like a mix of shoyuu ramen and misou ramen. It has barbecue pork, leek, boiled egg, cabbage, and fungus. I asked them to remove the fungus though. Me  and mushroom only goes together when it's a soup.

Aside from the ramen, we also ordered chahan which is fried rice... and that's a blurry photo. I'm sorry. I was excited to eat.

Obviously, I'd say that I loved the food since this is one of my favourite ramen shops out there (mentioned a bajillion times here and to my friends)

Do you like Ramen? 
If yes, what's your favourite one? Misou, spicy, shoyuu? 

Anyway, I'll be going to watch more Korean and Japanese dramas... 

Monday, 1 February 2016

#3. Awkward Tension

| monday musing |

An inevitable moment of being alone in a crowded place with no one to speak with... an awkward tension.
This happens to me often, especially when I get late to class and I have to wait outside the room for the current period to end rather than making a grand entrance in the middle of a quiz. Yeah, I could leave and eat somewhere but what's more awkward than eating in a coffee shop in 7AM alone too worried that I'd be late for the next class?
To make things more awkward, I've also been trying to record myself for my oral communications class while other people pass by and stare at me wondering what I'm doing. And to add onto that, I'm slowly getting annoyed with the people in the hallways for being too noisy, too noisy for me to record myself, and too noisy to disturb the ongoing classes.
Oh, and before I forget, my hair looks like a bird nest, I also left my uniform zipper undone, and I might or might not have too much make-up just by the number of stares I'm getting.