Monday, 8 February 2016

Frustrated

| monday musing | 

Originally, this was supposed to be next week's musing, but somehow, it just fits to what I feel right now.
I'm not gonna lie, half of the time I still worry about the numbers. I still want what other people have. I still get lost in midst of follower and comment counts and just base what I write there. I'm not gonna lie that I keep on forgetting that I'm doing this for myself. That I keep on trying to be someone who I think is better than me.
I'm frustrated.
My head's filled with thoughts, still I can't write. My mind, a chaos of ideas, yet I feel so dull. What more should I do? What more should I do to light the flames that once lit my path, my life.
Empty. I feel empty.
Crumpled papers everywhere. I try and try and try, but somehow I can't sew the perfect letters to form the perfect words right enough to express the feelings I've been burying deep in my core. I can't seem to express these dots and lines, these curves and rhymes.


.
Lost. I feel lost.
Snap. Delete. Snap. Edit. Delete. It's a different kind of lost. I know my way but I don't know why I am. I write and write and write but nothing's just right.
All these just to document my existence. To feel as if I didn't live a full circle, as if I didn't live a rut.
Frustrated. I'm frustrated.
Whatever it is I do, I just can't seem to be good enough. Play the piano, there's someone better who didn't even study it as I did. Write? I once dreamt to be published, but underneath this writer's block and this frustrated writing, what magic could I do? Do art, doodle, do calligraphy, but no one appreciates it.
Is there a place where I can throw this frustration away?

4 comments:

  1. I absolutely feel you on that one. I feel the same way oftentimes, just confused and frustrated for various, but connected reasons. I think the only thing we can do to overcome the frustration is to try and focus more on doing what we want to do and doing what we love, for ourselves and not compare ourselves to what others can do. Because what others do is obviously not YOUR doing and you should be proud of what you can create, writer's block or not. There's no use in thinking that there are others who are better and who can do more magic but really, do they? Maybe it's just luck. Maybe they're good at what they're doing because they don't care what others do and just give it a go for themselves, to be happy with what they're doing. I mean what's the use if we keep weighing ourselves down with comments about others doing better when we should motivate ourselves to be creative and creators on our own way? It's a huge creativity and motivation blocker – and with the power and the opportunities we have, it's a waste of time! So let's get creating and stop worrying because what others do better doesn't matter. This is about US.

    Love,
    Hannie Arden from missingwanderer.org.

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    1. Oh I really needed to read this. There's a lot of things to be frustrated about but seeing what really matters is much more important over stressing on such things.

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  2. I really, really resonate with this post!
    There are times where what I end up doing doesn't live up to what I had envisioned and that can get really frustrating. But hang in there, your blog is lovely and it's one of my favourites for sure. <3
    Minaali
    The Snap Narrative

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    1. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Your blog is one of my favourites too!

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