Wednesday, 26 April 2017

me i am


me i am. the me who i never was anymore. no more. no. not since we parted. the me i was, left with you, died with you. me i am, a hollow cage of memories, of journeys of lost.
there are days when the me i was comes in glimpses, in flashes. she cries and laughs, and hurt and bleed and dies. the me i was, hurting, longing, still lost and finding.
the me i am, now hollow, still looking, still lost. now empty, still blue, still nothing, not new. though no longer does she cry. move so moving.
the me i am, maybe is the me i was. maybe is the me i never was anymore. just no you, just lonely and empty. obliviate and blue.
It might be a little bit too early to have an existential crisis at the age of 19, yet again it might be too late since I'm graduating next year. But with how the current generation has been, it might just be the right time to sit down and drown myself in thoughts of who I really am.

'me i am' is a little internal monologue that popped out of my head roughly two years ago. Its incomplete, vague and awfully confusing yet relatable at the same time. It is an internal monologue of someone who lost the image of herself in midst of finding it. Its about not being able to let go to the person who she was years back which results to her longing for who she once was.

Upon reading the selection again, a few odd thoughts entered my mind. Maybe life is not about finding yourself, maybe it's about losing yourself and getting to know who you are along the process. I don't think anyone has really gotten a vivid image of who they really are. I think that we are all bound to find out when everything's about to end.

Just get lost and wander...
maybe that's what life is about.

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